The Israeli and Palestinian women working for Reconciliation
To celebrate International Women’s Day (8th March), we’ve been speaking to Hedva Haymov and Hiba Allati, the two women who head up the women’s reconciliation programme at Musalaha, Embrace’s partner. Hedva, an Israeli, and Hiba, a Palestinian, speak about why they were both drawn to working in reconciliation and the challenges it brings.
The following was written by Courtney Reeve and was previously published in Mushala’s newsletter.
Hedva and Hiba
Hiba and Hedva are not only Palestinian and Israeli respectively, but these two women also collaborate as reconciliation facilitators across a generational divide. Drinking coffee in miniature paper cups and nibbling on seedy grapes, Hiba’s self-described “smiley” personality mirrors her young enthusiasm while Hedva’s cool recline and nonchalant invitation to be interviewed reflects years well-lived. As we sat together, I witnessed a moving demonstration of Musalaha’s vision of reconciliation as these two women compassionately attended to the other.
When Hiba joined staff in February 2022, Hedva’s focus was to develop the next leader of Musalaha’s women’s groups as retirement began to beckon. Language was her main concern at the start since previous co-facilitators could also speak Hebrew. But being from Bethlehem, Hiba has not needed to learn the language. With English as their mode of communication, Hedva would then need to trust her own Hebrew aptitude and also remain aware of how her American upbringing could quell Hiba’s leadership creativity. After more than fifteen years with Musalaha, Hedva’s highest priority is to pass on her knowledge and experience to the next generation. Without first-hand experience of military culture and failed diplomacy, Hedva suggested, “Maybe the young can change things we couldn’t change.” She added later, “Perhaps respect for each other is the only thing that will stop our children from dying.”
For Hiba, the “real challenge” in the job was working with Israelis, Hedva including. While discerning the role at Musalaha, her local pastor warned how involvement in Musalaha could be perceived as normalization, or what is known here as acceptance, or even approval, of the occupation. Stepping into this leadership role implicated Hiba’s reputation within her community, and at a personal level could compromise her own Palestinian identity. However, support from her family and staff encouraged her to assert the kind of Palestinian leader she is and desires to be – unwilling to quit and poised to change. Recognizing that Musalaha as a faith-based organization functions within the reality of multiple faiths in the land, Hiba refuses to stereotype or generalize Jew, Muslim, or Christian. The Palestinian leadership Hiba chooses thus claims agency to know and love neighbor, no matter their faith and whether or not they are Israeli.
Musalaha's Women's Reconciliation Programme
The real test of their cross-generational collaboration came days after the completion of their first Palestinian/Israeli women’s desert encounter. Within the neutral territory of the desert, Hedva and Hiba led and watched as relationships flourished, trust built, and empathy extended, but this promising start was halted when a Palestinian participant’s son was killed by an Israeli soldier in Jenin. Without embellishment Hedva reported this news to me as yet another instance of daily life. Yet as quickly as trust dissolved post-desert, so too were Hiba and Hedva visibly unsettled as they recalled these heated days; “I don’t want to talk about the past,” Hiba said shifting in her seat. For Hedva, “This was the most difficult situation I ever experienced at Musalaha – over more than fifteen years!”
The severity of this situation demanded a great deal of assiduous leadership from Hiba and Hedva. The group’s Whatsapp chat “blew up” with messages reifying national narratives of blame and responsibility, reporting news and media articles, quotes, and photos to substantiate their in-group’s suffering. As a result, Hedva and Hiba decided to restrict posts to content solely witnessed by group members themselves, so as not to fuel hearsay and instead promote empathy for personal experience. While this boundary was perceived as silencing for some, the group’s first follow-up meeting intentionally opened space for those women to speak unencumbered with everyone’s full attention. Whole testimony was heard, trauma, grief, and pain included. All listened.
The reconciliation programme includes Desert Encounters, where the women spend time together on neutral ground.
As a symbol of solidarity with their grieving friend unable to attend this meeting, the group of women were offered the opportunity to light candles in prayer, a tradition often practiced by Hiba. Some Palestinians did not light candles and some Israelis did not either. This remained a source of pain and frustration for Hiba, particularly when any loss of life in her view is worth the respect of grief. Still hidden beneath national loyalties, this fundamental value of humanity could quickly justify withdrawal, even for a leader of reconciliation. As the Israeli leader, Hedva wrestled with her desire to visit the mother in her Jenin home, which could not only provoke danger for her, but also for the mother. The weight of this decision was still palpable as Hedva tearfully admitted regret in not going, “That was probably a mistake for her benefit.” Pulling at a napkin, Hedva’s hands were met by Hiba’s reach of comfort, “You’re crying Hedva!” “Yes, but I cry all the time,” Hedva pointed out. In response to the news, they decided to send condolences by phone with emphasis from the Israeli women, to which the mother replied, “It’s not their fault.” Amidst the tension and agony, these words were a gracious response. For both Hiba and Hedva, the memory of this time surfaced their own inner conflicts. Yet the willing vulnerability of both in attending to the other bore witness to the power of their identities as ambassadors for reconciliation.
The leadership exhibited by both has profound implications for their respective communities. Hedva’s willingness to keep listening and meeting people - in essence to stay within the dissonance - validates and affirms the dignity and suffering of Palestinian people; her readiness to vulnerably share herself with Hiba is a testimony of trust and empowerment. Hiba’s leadership is not merely bequeathed by her senior co-facilitator but meaningfully attained each time she chooses to tell her story to those who have not yet heard it. In spite of the impulse, and even desire to give up, Hiba’s inner conviction is to speak; “I want to speak out what I am feeling. I want to change. I want to speak about my Palestinian identity.” “In five year’s time,” Hedva asked Hiba, “where do you want to be?” “I want to be teaching, leading and more involved in donor relations!” To which Hedva replied, “Good. It means she’s not going to leave Musalaha anytime soon!”
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